I Miss You.

I quite don't know how to begin this because no matter what I think of it just doesn't quite fit. See the thing is this post. This blog it's about my grandmother. She passed away when I was just 6. Young and free. At that age I didn't even quite understand what I had lost. I just sat in my uncle's house playing with my cousins smiling and laughing while the funeral was taking place downstairs. Then my mum came grabbed my little hand and brought me downstairs and told me 'she's about to be buried this is the last time you'll see her.' I saw her laying there.  Peaceful and white, she looked like an angel. Yet I did not feel the emotion I wish I would've felt but seeing her down like that but I did cry. Not much just a bit. Seeing her like that. Today though when I think of her I cry, cry alot. Hell last time I didn't even celebrate my birthday cause that entire week all I could think of was her and how I wish she was here to celebrate it with me. She had a lively spirit. She didn't know much about science and space but she knew alot about the world and love. On my 4th birthday she bought me a Nintendo. I still keep it with me. Though I never play it. My mum even says Roshail give it away. Maybe someone less fortunate could play with it but I can't it's the only thing I have which my grandma gave me. It's a sign of love and her affection. You know as a kid I rarely spent much time with her. Today I wish I had one day. Just one day when I could be with her. You know.. like just talk to her. Ask her about life and the adventures she had. Her experiences, some advice,  her favourites.  I just wish I could know her more. Just see her smile again, stare in her eyes and actually notice the colour that her eyes had. Hug her and say I missed you grandma. Tell her I loved her and show her how far I've come. Show her my result on O'levels. Bake her a cake. Just show much how much I love her. Make up for lost time. Do as much as possible. Innocent and young I betrayed my heart. Old and hurt I wish I had known more.